In Praise of Differences

by Elise McIntosh

To the dismay of my parents — who, I sense, secretly wish I’d end up with a “boy next door” type — I always have been attracted to men of different cultural backgrounds. In fact, if you were to put side by side the men I’ve dated through the years, it would resemble a lineup of leaders in the United Nations.

There are many reasons I find myself drawn to these men. Of course, their sexy accents are part of the attraction. (What woman can resist a charming foreigner speaking in his native tongue?) But, the accent is just a nice bonus, a novelty that eventually wears off once the relationship is brought to the next stage. (Sort of like the way a younger man’s youthful appearance is not the main source of pleasure for an older woman after she gets to know him on a deeper level.)

By far, the thing I find most appealing is how much I can learn by being with someone who has lived a completely different upbringing and lifestyle in some other part of the world.

I find my life has been enriched through my interactions and relationships with people from all points of the globe, including the wonderful friends I made in Australia, where I lived for two years. But it is the current man in my life, a beautiful Argentinean who has given me a whole new perspective on life, who has recharged my soul. By allowing him into my life, I have grown – mentally, emotionally, spiritually and sexually.

In fact, I suspect older women and younger men are attracted to each other for much of the same reason. Being in a relationship with someone with different life experiences – whether it’s due to differences in age or differences in geographical backgrounds – opens your eyes and stretches your mind.

There is so much for you to learn – and teach – and this give-and-take of information promises to keep things new and exciting. There is always fresh territory to cover with someone whose past is vastly different from your own, that things rarely, if ever, get stale. Because both of you bring different experiences to the table, you begin to appreciate life in a whole new way – which often is not possible when you stick to the same kind of people you’ve encountered your entire life.

However, the very thing that is such a powerful lure can double as an unfortunate barrier. Being with a person outside of your background inevitably forces you out of your comfort zone – which, ultimately, can expand your horizons, but not before a lot of uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and, typically, fights (or, as I prefer to say, “discussions”) test the relationship.

For some couples, these generational and/or cultural differences – though exciting at first – eventually become deal-breakers. It takes a strong couple with an abundance of genuine love, great communication fine-tuned over time and tremendous understanding and empathy to survive the long haul.