Band Aids

A Band Aid relationship is the type of involvement that seeks quick relief from the pangs of loneliness. In the inability to find meaningful connection, this type of relationship choice serves as a temporary means to an end. It’s often employed when the desire for partnership is paramount, and the substance and quality of that partnership, is secondary.

It’s like going to a restaurant when we’re really hungry. But, the menu is clearly limited. Not seeing what we want— we choose something, anything, to fill the void. We have to eat. We’ve been hungry too long and must fill our stomach to subdue the pain of hunger.

It’s the type of relationship in which many people end up, by default. It “will do,” for the time being. It’s a get-by relationship with a limited shelf life. There are up-front compromises in that it’s not what is really desired. It’s the type of aid that won’t directly heal the wound, but covers its appearance.

The Band Aid relationship permits direct exit from a world of loneliness. Limited in scope, the emotional involvement appears negligible. So, we think we’re safe. Easy and fast, this type of menu selection may be junk food or a meal we would rarely eat, but the hunger blinds us. The fear of being alone and dealing with all the feelings that arise from that loneliness was obvious as I witnessed many of my associates compromise their real desires, in the need for this style of quick fix.

It’s a couples world by design. It’s hard to be the odd number at the dinner table. It’s difficult to fit into collective functions. After a certain age, partners are chosen and the friendships that create their social network, aren’t designed for “a party of one.” The single person is often excluded. And, this universal set-up isn’t the sole reality of widows, suddenly finding themselves removed from the vibrant social life they once enjoyed. It affects recently divorced men and women, tired of living alone in the suburbs. And, singles who are simply exhausted from the whole dating scene, seeking greater inclusion.

If this is the type of choice one finds themselves contemplating, just remember that it is indeed a “choice.” Be clear on what it is, and what it isn’t. Every choice has its merits and consequences. Admit that this is the option desired— and in that honest admission, accept the reality that comes along with the design. This is the part of clarity needed, to enjoy the partnership. It is, what it is. Don’t fool yourself. Don’t pretend you’re doing something you’re not, or it will come back to haunt you. If you make this type of connection, at least do it mindfully.