Time Alone

In the height of a new romance, there’s a desire to spend all our available time with our partner. The thrill of finally meeting someone who wants what we want, and wants that thing with us, is delirious. The tendency is strong to seclude ourselves from friends and the world, as we discover this new love and create its foundation. That is natural, and often desirable. However, it is ultimately balance that we seek. While very fiber in our body may want to spend endless days with our new lover, it is here that we need to step back and take a breath.

Losing ourselves is a common occurrence when love is new. It is in the merging, and the letting down of our ego boundaries that allows love to enter our hearts. Yet, in this recognition of loves presence, the need to re-connect with Self, is the greatest. Understanding this is a discipline, and a mental request that requires heeding, it is also needed for our benefit as well as the benefit of our mate. We need internal stability in order to offer more love to our partner.

To take a breath, and take time alone, is crucial. We have massive new input, and need to sort and configure this input. We need to check-in with our own emotions, making sure that the road we’re on is one we want, not just the one our partner wants. The power of this “breath” allows us to regroup and re-connect from a fresh place. We allow ourselves to settle in with the new emotions, check-in as to how we feel about what’s going on, and from that standpoint we have the ability to re-calibrate the things that may feel “off.” Perhaps nothing feels off, and everything is amazingly wonderful. Still, time alone is valuable to solidify the partnership foundation.

I sincerely urge you, if you are newly in love with one who is love with you, to take a beat. Take a breath, and take some time for yourself. Certainly everything within you wants to reconnect to this exciting new person, but without you firmly in place, there is no foundation from which to continue partnership growth. In a healthy relationship, a moment of separation isn’t an ending. It serves as a greater continuation.

You will need to tell your partner you have some things to do for yourself, and be clear on the time you will see them next. This can come as a shock to one who is fully invested in you, as it may appear to them (and to their fears) that you, are pulling back. Not the case. I’ve often sited work I needed to do, calls I needed to make, and other things that allowed for my brief absence. I scheduled a definitive time and date for reconnecting to alleviate my partners concerns. The time alone with my thoughts helped me recharge, and I came back to the relationship clear and focused— wanting more connection and being able to offer more from this place of stability.