Create Your Vision

Before stepping out into the world of dating, you’ll need to create your vision. You may have just left a disastrous partnership. Or, you may be in the process of getting clear on what you want, from the experience of past dating. Whatever your starting point, it’s a good idea is to formulate a “best-case scenario” plan. This is a plan that works for you, because you already know it.

Here is a process to uncover what you want and what you must have. It pulls from the past and reformulates the undesired into a positive vision for your future. I advise my clients to begin this vision by getting out a paper and pen.

• Start with a clean notebook. Write down the things that you’ve had in the past that you liked and worked well for you. It’s a way of coming in on a positive note, and allows you to feel empowered by your past. There had to be good things you liked. To make this list, and than see it in writing is a powerful mental tool. You’ve already had good experiences. Acknowledging those things that were especially wonderful in the past allows you to bring them into your future.
• Write out the positive, good, and wonderful things you experienced in past dating/relationships.

For example, here are some things of the things I received and appreciated in past relationships:

1. Name of Person—-Protective and decisive. I felt safe and secure in his presence. I knew there was a strong man by my side, who had my back. His love was powerful in its constancy. The quality of protection and decisiveness allows me to feel like the woman, and relax in my own power.

2. Name of Person—-Great sense of humor. He diffused difficult situations with his humor and perspective. He knew how to “handle me” when I was in turmoil. He brought out the best in me. We laughed, played and had fun. The quality of humor and diffusion allows me to “lighten up” while still being effective in the day-to-day world.

3. Name of Person—- Interested in my main areas of interest at that time. We united in our joint exploration of spirituality and psychology. He was a true partner in those areas of my life and actively took part in lectures, seminars and workshops. It allowed us to be together, and on the same page with the same goals. The quality mutual interest creates cohesion and partnership growth.

4. Name of Person—– Aligned creativity and dynamic Artistic discussions. We ignited each others interest and understanding of our professions. We were excellent as a creative team, and helped each other expand, individually. The quality of aligned creativity inspires and excites me.

5. Name of Person—Down to earth and real. Served as a stabilizing force in my life. His clear thinking and easy disposition helped me to handle some difficult career decisions. I found a place to relax with him, and enjoy my private life while in the midst of outer friction. The equality of “real” provides stability and ease.

• Then, add another section. “Things I Desire.”
• Write the qualities you must have, and how they will look in real life.

Here is where you transform your “what I don’t want list.” It’s the upshot of why past relationships ended, and the clarification of what you’ve learned you must have in the future. But, instead of framing it from the negative, you frame it from the expectant positive.

1. I have “x.”

“X” is the quality you want to experience. It could be such things as: honesty, fidelity, generosity, successful life and lifestyle, sensitivity, time for me and time for our relationship. Whatever it was that you didn’t get, this is the place to add it into your vision. As you write these individual qualities, add a sentence or two that shows how that would look in the real world. For example, if you used the quality of honesty, it might be framed like this:

2. I’m not afraid to speak up and relay my feelings. Neither is my partner. There is honesty at the heart of this relationship. We have an easy, open and natural communication between us. When things come up, we both feel free to discuss whatever is at hand. We come to an understanding that works for us and is utilized in our on-going growth and connection. This makes us closer, and allows our greater love to occur.

With the combined items you’ve had, and those you want, you now have a profile for your next encounter. This simple exercise clarifies your thoughts, and automatically activates your subconscious. It’s really quite amazing to witness in its effect. When we know what we want, there is a natural “calling in” of those qualities. We’re sending out a frequency that is honed-in on those things, and we easily observe their presence or absence in new people we date.

The important part of this exercise is to keep it on focused on the positive. That’s what activates it, in our mind. That’s what attracts it to us. People often enter romance with emotional wounds from their past, only to see them reflected back by their new dates. The reason for that is because what we’re focused on, is what we create. By shifting the vision to what we want to see, we create the possibility of realizing it. Additionally, by adding the tangible successes of our past, we have proof we will attain these again, in our future.