To Stay, or Leave?

Much of the correspondence I receive asks which road to take when a love affair isn’t working. “Should I stay, or leave?” There is always the option to leave. Normally, this is chosen as a last resort. If there is physical violence, leave. If there is psychological/emotional/financial abuse, leave. Abuse isn’t something to “work through.”

Infidelity within a monogamous agreement is subject to the external situation and the partners involved. It’s not a cut and dried determinant. As a reality for many couples, numerous approaches may be taken. However, broken contracts of conduct cannot be mended unless both partners are willing and able to correct their former behaviour. If they sincerely desire continuation within exclusivity, much work is at hand. The partner who violated the trust must want to change, and do so. The partner who accepted this correction must begin anew, without the baggage of guilt and blame.

When issues involve irritation and minor shortcomings, I suggest setting a specific time-period in which to correct the situation before ending a partnership. I believe in doing as much inner work as possible within the existing relationship, until the point where one is satisfied there are no other options available. The work we do on ourselves and outer changes we activate within our relationships create a direct benefit for all. Regardless of relationship continuation, the attitude of attending to all we can do while in it, is essential to our future success in loving partnerships.

It’s common to point the finger at our partner for their mistakes and non-actions. Underlying all this finger-pointing is the fact that we are there, as well. Something in our energy called in this specific person to enact the joint drama we are now experiencing. They aren’t here by accident. Somewhere in the turbulence is the key to our greater transformation, buried underneath the appearance of “problems.” We can only ascend to that which we are. To do our inner work when demanded, is essential. Problems exist as an indicator to something we need to do, or change within. If we can take responsibility for our part in this affair, we can utilize the time we have with our partner to correct our thinking and actions.

Before ending a partnership, ask yourself is there is any connection to the current problems you’re facing and problems you’ve had in the past. Are there patterns of reoccurring issues? If so, you are the problem. And, you are the solution.

Being in a partnership is like being on a teeter-totter. If one partner shifts, the balance is off. There’s no correcting the problem from a locked position of imbalance. The way to correct the imbalance is to shift, yourself. Now, you are in a new place. Your partner must either shift, or get off the teeter-totter. Before you jump off all together, shift your position. It will benefit your future relationships and may just be the balance needed to continue with the partner you have.