The Age Complaint

If you have a friend who doggedly complains about your partners age, beware of the friend. Age is never a valid reason for complaint. Age only serves as a noticeable target others can hit, should they care to strike. The age complaint is simply a tool to mask another issue.

We want our friends to tell us the truth. We need them to support our dreams while keeping our well being in mind. They don’t have to like our choice of partner, but they shouldn’t use the age complaint to undermine our relationship.

If a friend truly opposes our age-varied relationship, the question to ask is: “How does my relationship affect them?” Aside from valid concerns for our safely and sanity, the dislike is based in their issues. Are they a “lover in waiting?” Are they a same aged friend who is waiting by the sidelines for us to discover them, and feels we are their turf?  Are they a single friend who feels slighted by our lack of attention now that we are partnered?  Are they partnered, yet disconnected from their mate and seeking companionship their home life doesn’t provide?

Ask your friend to come clean on the age issue. Ask them what the real issue is for them, underneath the guise of age. Honesty creates intimacy. Without honesty, there is no relationship—  only passive aggression, resentment, and unstated needs.  A real friend will reveal their concern and admit their feelings no matter how illogical or irrational. That’s why they’re a real friend.