Younger Men; Age by the Numbers

While it’s true that age is just a number, when dating guy in his twenties there are some factors you’ll need to keep in mind. The twenties are a time of dynamic shifts for a young man. His whole world is opening up, and therefore, he’s unsettled.

If he’s in his early twenties, he may have just finished college. Perhaps he’s getting his first apartment on his own, or with others. He’s dipping his toes into the working world, establishing his first job. Everything is new, and uncertain. The college party-scene is over. But, the seduction of money in his pocket in combination with newfound independence, can be heady for a young guy. Night life after work, especially in an urban environment, is enticing. With the beginnings of some form of prestige, he may feel the desire to touch, taste and experience all that life has to offer a single young guy. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. I’ve interviewed young men in their twenties who settled into a serious relationship and took on all the attending responsibilities. It’s not unheard of, but more the exception than the rule. Consider the early twenties a rocky time to establish a relationship— not just for you, but for a female of any age.

If you are serious about a guy in his early twenties, be prepared to have patience. It will require an immense sense of emotional stability on your part. The more invested you are in your own life, the better you’ll do at this juncture. It’s not a time to assert control. All men, especially younger men, hate control. If you seek to control him, or convert him to the merits of your lifestyle, you will fail.

Younger men are absorbing all forms of new input; socially, emotionally and sexually. As this new input is assimilated, they need time to integrate all the new information. They may make wild shifts in their attitudinal positions. What he thought (and often felt) last week, may seem completely different in the weeks to follow. Take him lightly. Don’t listen precisely to what he says. He’s still figuring it all out. I’ve known far too many women who get hung up in this phase of their younger man’s life. The early twenties aren’t the best time to discuss the larger issues of commitment, and children. Enjoy the experience you’re currently having with him, and allow it to be what it is. If you find yourself having deeper feelings, of course, speak your mind. But remember also that he’s still in “the shift.” His current view of his future “life plan” may change. Take his words to be evolving, rather than definitive. Watch his actions. Assess his insertions. Look more at the basic dynamics that signify his character. Those elements will give you a clearer vision of who he is now, and who he will become as a man.

The benefits of a man in his early twenties are found in his sense of adventure. For the older woman, she will have an opportunity to expand her horizons. While each man contains his own set of variables, it doesn’t mean they can’t commit. It only signals they still have some “settling in” to do. Not only in terms of romantic involvement with you, but to life as a whole. Enjoy the experience, learn from it, and give yourself permission to explore. The early twenties are the perfect time to jump-start your established view of life, and infuse it with a fresh approach— while discovering your own emotional needs in the process.