Is He Playing You?

When initially meeting a highly eager young man, the question of intent comes to mind. What’s his motive? Men reveal themselves constantly— in small seemingly insignificant ways, and in glaringly obvious ways. If he’s pursuing you, assume at the least he’s physically attracted. That means, “Yes. I’d sleep with this woman.” There are only two boxes men check off in their mind— yes, and no.

If it’s just sex, determine if that’s what you want as well. If you know you want more than sex, it’s up to you to set the template for relationship. How you speak, how you express your visions of partnership, are all essential parts of the courtship process.

Player’s have specific TELLS. “Tells” are the involuntary reactions in one’s body language, that reveal falseness. These visual markers are vital to professional gamblers. As an automatic response to lying, they are also studied by the FBI and other law enforcement agencies. No matter how hard humans try to cover their true emotions, the truth will always be revealed in one way or another.

While player’s have visual tells, the clearest form of tells are behavioral.

1. They come on strong.

Players move in fast and hard— always focused on the finish line. They are intent upon seeing you now, calling with abnormal frequency, and showering you with seductive attention. A real guy knows what he wants, but is willing to allow you to come to him. He sees the end goal, but allows you the time and space to get there on your own.

2. There is a sense of urgency.

The entire pace of courtship proceeds at a breakneck pace. Players live in the now. They want to see you now, or in two hours. Definitely tonight. You know you’ve encountered a player when “it all just happens so fast.” A real guy is honest in wanting to see you, but lacks that frenzied sense of pinning you down.

3. The light is so bright you feel delirious.

A player knows how to woo. He shines the light of unwavering attention upon you, his prey. The warmth is intoxicating. Flooded with compliments (usually sexual), approval and desirability, the player demands a return of attention. A real guy puts it out there, but doesn’t force your response.

4. A player says all the right things.

A player has rehearsed and honed his lines. He has mastered the art of saying the phrases every woman secretly wants to hear. And while this romantic dialogue is marvelous, it’s too soon to be real and too studied to be original.

5. His advance takes you by surprise.

He disarms your caution and leaves you feeling dizzily confused. Intense, focused and attentive he bathes your ego in ecstasy. You never saw it coming. A real guy has a growing momentum. He is consistent, rather than on fire.

So, next time you’re swept up in momentum, urgency and delirious attention, know your admirer is a player. These are hallmark behavioral tells. If you can handle the heat of seduction, and the brevity of involvement— go for it. Revel in the luxury of this flame that burns too hot as the heat melts your skin to the touch. But know as quickly and fiercely as it came, it will leave. If you have the disposition to enjoy this ride, do so.

Players live in the moment. The only way to “play a player,” is to know that what you crave lives within a brief moment. It is a moment to capture fully, and then release.