The Enlightened Angle on Modern Love
Friend, or “Lover in Waiting?”
Many people believe true friendship cannot occur between the sexes. I disagree. However, the sexual component is always there— and needs to be clearly defined. The role of friend has to be established, and consistent. There are friends who authentically deserve that title. Then, there are friends who have assumed the title by default. Because the category of lover wasn’t offered, there are those we call friends, who are in actuality, “lovers in waiting.”
A true friend cares for our best interest. A lover in waiting is holding their given position in the hopes that, one day, we will discover they are the one we desire. A true friend wants us to be in love, with the one we love. They don’t seek to undermine our relationships, or talk us out of them. A lover in waiting will be happy for the opportunity to share their dislike of our beloved. The lover in waiting, waits. Behind the mask of friend, this person will seek our time and attention, while offering advice (for their own agenda). When you can identify the strategy, you’ll be able to see the difference between the two.
“There is a real difference ebtween true chemistry and infatuation. It is critical to know the difference ebtween the two because infatuations will generally end fairly quickly. Imagine deciding to marry someone and find out you were only infatuated with them. That would be absolutely dreadful being chained to someone you have no attraction to. When you meet someone where true chemistry exists you WILL want to be with them long term. When I was younger I would not have been able to describe the difference ebtween the two. I struggle describing this now other than explaining what happened to me. I guess one way to describe true chemistry is both parties experiencing romantic passion along with having a lot of things in common. Another way of saying this is that neither of you are trying to cram a square peg into a round hole in order to have a relationship’. To me the things in common include the standards I mentioned above plus (1) similar interests, (2) similar approaches to living your life (how decisions are made), (3) direction and outlook for the future and (4) how the two of you define a romantic relationship, especially when talking long term. The relationship flows together like water flows down a river. That flow will look different for each couple because of the uniqueness of the parties involved. However the flow will be very satisfying for both of you.