By Griffin Wynne

Wondering how to text someone who ghosted you? My interview with @Bustle shows you how to craft a message that answers whether they’re ‘in or out’ (without looking desperate or needy). #Texting #ghosted #interview

Griffin writes, “Despite what the 1995 Christina Ricci classic (and the 1998 Hilary Duff sequel) may have led you to believe, there’s no such thing as a friendly ghost. If you haven’t heard from your crush in weeks, these texts to send someone who ghosted you will bring you the clarity and closure you crave.

Like cute shoes that cause blisters, cute people that cause heartache are unfortunately all too common. According to a 2020 survey by Hinge, 91% of users say they’ve been ghosted, and that’s, like, a full A- on an exam. For Susan Winter, relationship expert and bestselling author, reaching out to a ghoster is all about balance. “We don’t want to look desperate, but we need resolution,” Winter tells Bustle. “Are they in or are they out?”

If your date has gone radio silent, Winter suggests making one last effort to reach out. “If you don’t get a reply, or get a vague ‘breadcrumb type’ answer, then bail,” Winter says.

Whether you’re looking for a Serious Committed Relationship or just a fling, you deserve someone with the ability to communicate their basic feelings. Though ending things with someone can be uncomfortable, it’s always more considerate than leaving someone in the lurch.

If you’re tired of being left on read, here are twelve texts to send.

1.”I take it you’re not a great texter. Want to meet for drinks and an IRL convo?”

If you’re not looking for something serious (or for someone who regularly responds to your texts), gently teasing their texting skills can let your date know that you’re still down to hang out. Of course, the key here is that you’re actually looking for something casual. If you’re secretly hoping your sporadic hookup will suddenly want a committed partnership, it’s probably time for a different conversation about your expectations. “Understand this person isn’t serious about dating and isn’t serious about you,” says Winter. “No text = swim at your own risk.”

2.”I had fun getting dinner last week! Let me know if you want to go to the farmer’s market this weekend.”

When your crush is playing hot and cold, it’s easy to get swept up in their games. Instead of scheming something up or trying to decode their last five texts, be direct and don’t overthink it. Let them know you’re interested and down to hang out again. “It’s direct and proactive, which shows confidence,” Winter tells Bustle. “The invitation is light and casual, but clearly defined. Daytime. Easy. Fun.” If they’re interested, they’ll make a solid plan with you. If they’re still shady, it’s time to move on.

3. “Me and my roomies are getting a drink tonight. Come through if you can!”

Inviting your crush to something fun that you’re already planning on doing lets you have your cake and eat it too. If they decide to come by, you’ll have a fun time out with your friends. If they choose to stay home, you’ll still have a fun time out with your friends. It’s a casual way to include your crush, with incredibly low stakes. “Do it from the ‘I’m doing this, join me,’ approach,” Winter says. “Coffee, drinks, or anything else that you did in the past that they seemed to like.””


Continue reading for all 12 of your text options!