By Amanda Chatel and Haley Swanson

Pangs of guilt can follow any breakup, but they’re lessened when you’ve tried and left ‘no stone unturned.’ My interview with Bustle explains how to know you made the right choice. #breakups

Was anyone else relieved when Ross and Rachel were on a break? Want to bang their head against a wall when Carrie left Paris to reunite with Big? And don’t get me started on the bizarre romanticizing of Joe and Beck on Netflix’s psychological thriller You. It might be a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes couples are just better apart. It’s easier to identify a romantic mismatch on screen than in real life, and rom-com plot lines practically necessitate late-stage pining and regrets. But the idea holds off camera. That doesn’t make it easy, but separation is often the right decision for couples.

In fact, a 2017 study at the University of Virginia found that many twenty-somethings who experienced a breakup reported positive and far-reaching outcomes. People reported “feeling more self-confident, independent, stronger, and more emotionally stable.” Obviously it can take a while before those long-term benefits begin to surface. So until then, Bustle asked relationship experts for help identifying signs that breaking up was the right call.

1.You Gave It Your All

As much as you wanted the relationship to work, you did all you could. This isn’t giving up. It’s admitting that things are not meant to be. “You tried and tried again to create a shift in the relationship dynamics. No matter what effort you applied, the end result remained the same,” says Susan Winter, a New York relationship expert. “You were left with a suboptimal relationship.”

In this situation, don’t be hard on yourself. Throwing in the towel could actually be an act of self care. Researchers recommend journaling as a way to process the end of a relationship, a method that’s been found to increase positive emotions.

2.Your Partner Was Unwilling To Change

Having an inflexible partner can occasionally be a good thing, but not always. “Sometimes we have a partner who’s willing, but not able to change,” Winter says. “Other times we have a partner who’s able, but unwilling to change. Either way, you’re stuck with an unworkable situation, whether it [has to do with] anger issues, substance issues, or emotional issues.”

And remember, relationships are a two-way street with two players. In fact, a 2017 study at the University of Auckland found that “cooperative communication involving affection and validation can be harmful when serious problems need to changed.”

Continue Reading: https://www.bustle.com/wellness/did-i-make-the-right-decision-breaking-up