By Austėja Bliujūtė and Monika Pašukonytė 

If a cheating husband is upset with his wife after she does the same to him, should he feel hurt? My feature with Bored Panda explains how ‘getting even’ creates more collateral damage and how to best handle this type of escalating breach of trust.

“Austeja and Monika write, “Infidelity in many cases means breakup or divorce. In fact, Psych Central notes that cheating is one of the main causes that lead couples to divorce. However, every couple is different and while for some it may be the end of the relationship, other couples fight through it and, with the help of marriage counseling, stay together and regain each other’s trust.

One Reddit user was also in a relationship like this, where after his drunken fling, his wife forgave him. Well, only for him to find out that his wife is now cheating on him. In addition to this, she shared that it’s okay as he was the one to set the precedent for allowing infidelity.

Acting like a victim after cheating on your partner first is not the best look

He writes, “I cheated on my wife and now she’s cheating on me. So ya I know I messed up. I (32M)cheated on my wife (29F) 3 years ago. We have been married for 5 years and the 2nd year of our marriage I cheated on her in a drunken fling. She forgave me and we went to marriage counseling, but 3 days ago while my wife was in the shower I went through her phone and found the texts confirming she was cheating.

I felt so betrayed so I confronted her after she got out of the shower. She claims that it’s ok because I cheated on her and I set the precedent for allowing infidelity.”

He adds that she forgave him, but not long ago, when she was in the shower, he went through her phone and found out she was cheating on him.

Bored Panda got in touch with Susan Winter, who is a relationship expert and bestselling author. She kindly agreed to share her advice for people who are on the path towards forgiveness after experiencing infidelity in their relationship, listed the common emotional impact on both partners and how couples can navigate the decision of whether to stay together or better to separate.

So to begin with, Susan shares that if you are going to move forward after infidelity, it’s important to be ready to release all resentment and desire to ‘get even’. She adds that this is exactly where the betrayed individual trips up – they may want to move on, but deep inside they are angry and resentful.

“It’s very difficult for a couple to move beyond infidelity unless both make the mental and emotional decision to do so. This type of betrayal of trust leaves a deep scar that never truly disappears,” she emphasizes. Couples therapy is also a must to release anger, move towards healing and both individuals need to work as a team and commit themselves in moving forward in unity.

Now, speaking about the emotional impact after cheating, Susan notes that the most common is lack of trust. Once trust has been broken, it’s very hard to put the pieces back together. “It’s like a beautiful piece of china that has a crack. That crack will always be there. You can try to glue it. You can try to pretend it’s not there. But the fissure is the ever-present reminder of the betrayal that occurred,” she adds.

And finally, when couples find themselves deciding if they should stay together after infidelity or separate, the relationship expert notes that they need to ask themselves if they are more interested in preserving the unity of the family and their partnership, or if they’re more interested in moving on individually.

“Some people will never ever be able to look at their partner the same way again. And if that is the truth for you, that is your truth. Others have a more objective view of the ebb and flow of a relationship over time. They understand that sexual exploration is not always emotional commitment. For those individuals who can compartmentalize the difference between sex and partnership, it may be possible to continue the relationship without the need to ‘get even,’” Susan shares.

Continue Reading:  https://www.boredpanda.com/cheating-wife-drama/