Admit it: texting is basically second nature when you’re communicating with your bestie, mom, or pretty much anyone else who you’re not trying to date. But when it comes to texting etiquette in a new relationship, things can get tricky—especially when you’re unsure of the other person’s communication style.

Double texting, ICYDK, is literally sending one text and then following up with another one before you even get a response to your first message. Now, you do you, but sometimes this act can come off as a little intense or (gasp) even desperate, says relationship expert Susan Winter which can be a turn off at the start of a new relationship. Tara Fields, Ph.D., LMFT recommends asking yourself, “Do I really need a response or do I want a response so that he or she can deescalate my anxiety?”

If you’re not sure how to answer these questions—don’t worry. Fields and Winter are here to break down proper etiquette when it comes to double texting and help you figure out when you should follow up and when you should just let the relationship go.

I’m thinking about sending a double text. Should I do it?

Probably not, experts say. Both Fields and Winter recommend getting to the root of why you’re sending the double text in the first place. Did you ask them to hang out later? Before you go down a rabbit hole of theories concerning why they haven’t answered, consider that they’re just plain busy. “The best thing to do is ask yourself, ‘Am I panicking?'” Winter says. “Panic and insecurity can be sensed from a mile away.” And it usually comes out in the form of a double text, she says.

Let’s say you just texted McDreamy that you’re in their neighborhood at a bar with a few friends, and are wondering if they’re free. If they don’t respond, following up with a text like, “I’m still in the neighborhood. Where are you?”, or “Still nearby, do you want to meet up or not?” is unnecessary.

“You don’t want to double text if you’re asking a question that’s really a covert way of finding out how they feel about you,” Winter says. This text would likely fall into this category because what’s behind this question is, “Do they like me enough to meet up tonight?” Winter says.

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