Need to move on from your ex? You can’t let “hope” cloud your thinking. My interview with Glam Magazine explains how ‘hope can be harmful’ when it keeps us clinging to the past. Here’s the remedy: #ex #breakups #hope #interview #datingadvice

BY AMANDA CHATEL

Amanda writes, “One of the most painful things you may ever experience is breaking up with an ex when you’re still in love with them. While people break up for many reasons, it doesn’t always mean it’s because they’ve fallen out of love. Sometimes life just takes you both in different directions and the relationship you have simply can’t keep up, and it’s time to say adieu (via Psychology Today).

But the problem with still being in love with an ex is that for long after they’re gone, we carry them with us. They were, after all, a central part of our lives. “We are creatures of habit, and not only do we have practical habits (e.g. the route you take to go to your office) and physical habits (e.g. the way you tap your foot or play with your hair), but we also have emotional habits,” licensed relationship and family therapist Shadeen Francis tells Women’s Health. “There are ways in which we routinely feel, expect to feel, or hope to feel, and our habits or routines are the patterns of response we consciously or unconsciously create to navigate our world more easily.”

Although it’s far from easy, if you’re still in love with your ex, you can move on from them. In fact, it’s the most important thing you can and should do for yourself, not only because it’s healthy but also because it gives you the opportunity to open your heart and love again.

Be Realistic

When people break up, there’s always a reason for it. Whether you’ve simply outgrown each other, the chemistry is no longer there, or someone cheated, there was a reason. But sometimes, when trying to move on, the reasons don’t matter, and you can find yourself clinging to hope that you’ll be able to get back together again. This is one of the worst things you can do to yourself.

“Hope can be harmful,” relationship expert and love coach Susan Winter tells Elite Daily. “Holding onto a desperate, longing type of love is unhealthy. When our desire to reconnect with our ex means we’re no longer living in the present, we must recalibrate. Far too many individuals get lost in a loop of hoping, waiting, and yearning. … Having gratitude for a positive past love affair is fine. That’s healthy. Feeling warmly toward your ex is also fine.” But anything more than that can be damaging.

Adhere to the No Contact Rule

Even if you think you and your ex can be friends, if you’re still in love, then you certainly can’t be friends right after the breakup. It’s only after enough time has passed that you might be able to do that. So, in the meantime, cutting off all contact — yes, this includes social media — is the best thing you can do for your mental health (via Psychology Today). It’s hard to move on when you have a constant reminder of the person you love, and contact is a constant reminder — one you don’t need.”

Continue Reading: https://www.glam.com/1046755/move-on-from-your-ex-when-in-love/