Before entering a new relationship and well before you hit the dating scene, it’s wise to process your past. Package it; completely organized and sorted in a manner that allows you to enter the new partnership “clean.”
By that I mean, open and willing to embrace a new connection while not holding onto resentments and negative impressions. It’s important to clear the past in order to manifest a new reality.
Whatever happened, happened. If you bring resentment and pain forward into your new sphere, you will recreate the past that didn’t work for you.
In order to process the past, we need to look at our part in the story we tell. While you may feel you were fair, just and honest— it requires real soul searching to see where you can make improvements.
All relationships are about “us.” We take our image of who we are and what we view as our reality, into our future.
If you didn’t like what happened, take responsibility for your end. Are there obvious underlying issues that keep resurfacing? If so, it isn’t coincidental. They’re your issues coming to light.
We all have issues and sensitivities. We all have qualities we came here to learn and improve. Addressing them, is key to having the kind of relationship we want.
If we didn’t deal with our issues in the past relationship, we’ll revisit them in our next relationship.
To do our “work” is to create our best possible future scenario. Maybe it was a selection error, or maybe it was a tendency to which we “default.” Are we suspicious, negative and cynical? If so, there is no hope of having a better “next relationship.”
Whatever you can do in terms of your own awareness is of direct benefit to your future. Now is the time to do it— before you engage with another.
I suggest keeping a journal. This is a powerful tool when used properly. It’s not just a place to vent. It’s a place to discover the underlying issues at hand. In writing, you can unload the pain of the past and release the anger.
In the writing the “story” what happened, you’ll begin to see patterns emerge. These are the threads that weave throughout your relationships. Now transparent, they point to vital information needed for your transformation.
The first step is recognition. As you begin this section in your journal:
- Make a list of all your past partners, with their names in one column.
- Along side each name, write their contribution in terms of what you did like.
- Next, write what you didn’t like (usually the reasons why the relationship ended).
- In doing so, you’ll discover your “patterns.” These are tendencies not only in terms of partner selection, but in terms of ongoing issues. The upshot of this is what I call “packaging.” You’re now clear as to what happened, both the good and bad. You can easily see what you need to alter, and how you need to proceed in the future.
- Then, write the new script for your future. Now you know your patterns; your issues and desires. Write a detailed version of what you want to experience next. This will keep you mindful of what to look for in a mate, and what to recognize in yourself.
Without doing this type of processing and packaging our the past, we’re doomed to repeat the same cycle in our future. Being aware is key to changing the story, and changing our reality.
With this knowledge, you will enter your new dating life with heightened awareness and focus. You will be entering a new world, rich new opportunity and higher outcome.