By Charna Flam and Brendan Le
The Golden Bachelor’s marriage captured our heart (and broke it 3 months later with divorce). My feature in People shares what went wrong with Gerry Turner and Theresa Nist’s relationship, and how new options for staying together were missed.
Once married, now divorced Golden Bachelor couple, Gerry Turner and Theresa Nist, announced their decision to “dissolve” their marriage on Friday, April 12, explaining it came down to a difference in where they wanted to live. Relationship expert, Susan Winter, explains to PEOPLE that although Turner, 72, and Nist, 70, “liked each other a lot, they couldn’t find a mutual way to cohabitate.”
She explains that although there are several single people “in their 50s, 60s and 70s that really wanted a companion,” those in that age demographic “don’t compromise that much anymore,” noting how the couple couldn’t find a resolution of living together.
But Winter adds that there are different types of relationships, including “lat marriages,” which is when committed couples live apart. “Not everybody who gets married has to physically live together.”
She explains that Turner and Nist “simply dissolved the marriage because, in their mindset, they didn’t know there was another possibility,” adding that she thinks “they gave an honest try.”
“But why do we think that marriage means we must live together when the number one problem we’re experiencing is that we don’t want to be away from our families, and one of us would have to compromise,” asks Winter.
She continues: “You might have noticed older people don’t like to compromise. We’ve done it our whole life. Now, this time is for us.”
Winter adds that there are “some dramatically different models that can work if the couple knows how to negotiate.” But Nist and Turner “never thought that there was another option.”
Although she sheds light on couples exploring less traditional routes, she also highlights that the factors people search for in a partner change as they age. “People in their 20s are looking for somebody really hot, and when you get older, you’re looking for somebody agreeable,” says Winter.
“I think we’ve learned that hot doesn’t always do the distance. And we’ve learned that compatibility, internal peace, comfort, and security are far more important,” continues Winter.
“And what I love, love about The Golden Bachelor is that [the] group needs hope. We all need hope. We watch these things because we want a fairytale to come true at a time when you think there’s no options left on the table.”
“You might find love again a second time, a third time,” proposes Winter. “Because the fear of people is to be alone. That’s the greatest fear. I don’t want to be alone,” adding, “I don’t even know how much they really want to find the right person and how much they just don’t want to be alone.”
Read the full article on People.com here.
