“Is it wise to have friendship bud into romance?”

This was the question I was recently asked by a journalist at COSMO MAGAZINE(UK). One has to question the nature of term the “friendship” in order to answer this question properly. Is this person a true friend with whom we share our time and confidence— then one day see them in a completely different light?

This type of scenario is rare, given my research. Certainly, love has blossomed in the case of co-workers and associates from other on-going activities, but I know of few cases where true friends suddenly awakened to this greater possibility.

When two individuals begin innocently as friends and suddenly develop feelings, chances are that there has always been an underlying spark.

If you find that spark, there’s no reason not to move into romantic expression. The category of friend is sometimes a “holding pen.” It’s a place to discover the depth of connection before making a leap into romance. From this position, time and exposure has allowed you both to get to know each other. A true bond has been established. That is beautiful.

It creates a solid foundation from which to have a dynamic relationship. The pro’s are obvious, as this is great person with whom you enjoy spending time. Love is always worth the risk. If, for some reason it doesn’t work out, this foundation should also allow you both to weather that storm. Mutual admiration and appreciation of each other heightens communication, and that is something that provides security in each phase of transit.

The term “friend” is nowadays used for anyone we know.

How many people do we call friends on Facebook? Perhaps this friend is someone who’s currently romantically involved with another person. In that case, they are only someone with whom we are acquainted. The more accurate term would be that of “prospective lover.” This is a painful type of friendship to maintain for the one who desires more, yet has not been granted the opportunity. To linger in the hopes of an ‘opening’ is to witness love from afar, awaiting one’s turn.

The term “friend” can also be applied to someone who moderately fits the bill, but something’s missing.

They may be attractive and available. But we can’t quite see the out-picturing of this relationship in our minds. Intuitively, we know they wouldn’t make the best choice for heightened sexuality or a long-lasting involvement. While there is an attraction, it lacks passion. This friend may be a good fit in the short run, yet that “essential something” is missing.

Human beings are innately wise. We instinctively know who is on our romantic radar, and who is not.

If we’ve put someone in the “friend box,” there is good reason. Otherwise, we would move straight into romance. Acknowledging that fact, we would most likely have limited long-term success in romance with this ‘someone’ we call our friend.

What about the case of a really hot friend?

There’s  another category for this type of connection. It’s usually called a “special friend.” When friendship holds physical attraction and is based on mutual respect for each others feelings, romance can be a viable form of expression. But it would be wise to establish an understanding that one or the other partner may “opt-out” if of a more suitable candidate comes along.

The boundaries between love and friendship are tricky, but do-able. I’ve seen many cases where the “special friend” is a functional option.

It’s important to keep one thing in mind with a “special friend.” This friend may meet someone new, date others, or notice and flirt with others in your presence. If you have the type of disposition that can handle those possibilities, then this may be partnership model you care to explore.

Sex always activates human emotions.

The on-going closeness with this sexy friend can feel like a traditional relationship, or seem consistent enough that the lines may become blurred for one or both. It’s wise to have a conversation as to expectations, and on how you both intend to handle social events. There’s nothing wrong with stating your parameters.

This type of connection should be comfortable enough so that neither of you would ever want to hurt the other unnecessarily. And, you both need to be clear on how this “special friendship” is going to play out in the real world, and what boundaries you both envision.

Sex with a kind-hearted attractive friend isn’t unwise… it can be mutually enjoyable in the “in between times.”

Both partners just need to remember that having begun this affair from the “friend” category already implies it isn’t their first choice, or their most highly desired choice. If the sexual component can be managed while retaining on-going connection in extended social situations, it can be an enjoyable form of expression.