By Sara Hendricks
How would you feel if your fiancé left you for the wedding planner? According to Susan Winter, a relationship expert and best-selling author, the problem with Mark and Eliza wasn’t just that Mark decided that his wedding planner was his soulmate. It was the fact that the couple were a mismatch from the start.
- On Tuesday, The Cut published a story in which an ex-couple described the reason for their split.
- In the story, the woman said the final straw was when the man fell in love with their wedding planner.
- People on the internet are dragging the man through the mud for his rom-com-like actions.
- But relationship experts say falling out of love with a future spouse isn’t as uncommon as one might think.
On Tuesday, The Cut published an installment of its “Both Sides of the Breakup” feature, in which two people who have previously dated discuss their sides of a breakup. And this week’s installment is a real doozy.
In it, 35-year-olds Mark and Eliza share the details of their four-year relationship: one spent dating, three spent engaged. Mark and Eliza both agreed that, while the sex was great, their relationship was punctuated by bouts of drama brought on by Mark’s inconvenient habit of falling in love with seemingly every other woman he met.
Although Mark never actually cheated on Eliza, he always made sure to let Eliza know whenever he had fallen for a woman who wasn’t her. Ultimately, Eliza ended their engagement when Mark decided that Tasha, the young wedding planner they had hired was his soulmate. Tasha, for her part, had no idea that Mark felt this way.
(It’s worth noting that these may all be pseudonyms — The Cut did not specify.)
People on the internet had a strong and immediate reaction to the piece. Their consensus, generally, seems to be that Mark is The Worst.
This may sound outlandish. And while the specifics of the story certainly are, Dr. Paulette Sherman, an NYC-based psychologist and author of “Dating From The Inside Out,” getting cold feet before your wedding isn’t so uncommon.
“People overlook it for that reason, but when women
Mark’s wandering eye aside, there may have been some other signs that the couple wasn’t destined for a happy ending.
Mark was a self-proclaimed romantic and Eliza wasn’t — a major red flag.
According to Susan Winter, a relationship expert and best-selling author, the problem with Mark and Eliza wasn’t just that Mark decided that his wedding planner was his soulmate (though, of course, that is an issue). Rather, it’s because Mark and Eliza simply weren’t a great match.
“The two individuals in this piece seems like polar opposites from the start,” Winter told INSIDER. “Mark is a romantic and Eliza is a pragmatist. Mark makes love, and Eliza prefers a wilder animal passion. They were fundamentally mismatched from the beginning.”
Sherman agreed that Mark was a “romantic,” but thinks that these tendencies are slightly more dangerous.
“He was a self-proclaimed romantic and loved love,” Sherman told INSIDER. “In my book ‘Dating from the Inside Out,’ I describe 15 defensive dating types and one is The Romantic. These people defend against being hurt in love by idealizing people instead of really seeing who is in front of them. They can be in love with love and not the other person. And when things get boring, they can look for the next shiny new person to make them feel good.”
Mark and Eliza got engaged in their 20s, which isn’t always ideal.
“Research shows that marriages can be more successful when you marry later,” Sherman told INSIDER. “To me, it is not as much about age as it is about really knowing yourself, what you want, and being ready and willing to commit to a lifelong relationship. There will be many temptations, so both people need to know that they can remain committed to their mate.”
Winter agreed:
“Getting partnered in your 20s is dicey due to the enormity of life-changing events that are all occurring at the same time,” she told INSIDER. “In our 20s, we’re still figuring ourselves out. Our goals will change over the next decade, as will our preferences in lifestyle. These factors are pivotal to a successful partner selection.”
Of course, it wasn’t a totally unhappy ending. At the end of the piece, Eliza shared that she stayed single for a few years after the breakup (understandable), and is now engaged to someone who is “a lot more trustworthy and better in every way [than Mark].”
Mark, on the other hand, got married to another woman, who later left him because she ended up falling for someone else. Some might call that karma, including Mark himself, but we’ll leave it at that.
To read the whole saga, head on over to The Cut.
http://www.thisisinsider.com/man-leaves-fiancee-for-wedding-planner-the-cut-2018-3