The rigors of modern dating can leave many young women wondering about their chances for future happiness in love. Men seem to have endless options for romance, creating little reason to partner in earnest.

How does a woman find meaningful partnership in today’s world? The stakes are high. The odds seem stacked against us. The advice we’re given couldn’t be worse.

It’s not your fault that you’re confused and frustrated. The magazines you read and movies you watch tell you that the happiness you seek is found in the acquisition of a “man.” This creates a vortex of looking constantly outward in the hopes of finding someone special. The goal becomes fixated on finding a man, getting him to commit and all the ups and downs of that journey.

This formula tells us to get a “man” in order to get a “life.” It puts us on a course of seeking the outer to satisfy an inner desire. We’re instructed to play the game properly, do the right things and act the right way in order to get what we want. The formula is faulty because it’s backwards. Looking outward to import our happiness is the surest way to lose our bearings, and our confidence.

We all want to love and be loved. We want to meet the person who wants what we want, with us. The remedy to this dilemma is to maintain the goal of partnership in our minds while actively expanding our own lives.

As the leading character in the movie that’s our Life, we realize our primary goal is to secure our own happiness. To live our lives fully, pursue our passions, and fill ourselves up with the type of happiness we formerly sought to import from another. Yes, we date and make ourselves available for partnership. But the focus shifts to what makes us happy within ourselves.

Gaining mastery of our life can only happen with us the helm, as the creator of our joy. Freed from the continual yearning for someone magical to make us happy, we discover we’re fully capable of doing this ourselves. This understanding frees us, and frees those around us as it allows for a healthy love to occur without stress, drama or anxiety.

In this awareness, you’ll find that it’s you that you’ve been seeking. Then, man will appear. What was once difficult becomes easy. And what was once rare becomes commonplace.

You were born to become the woman you seek to become. Meaningful partnership will be your reality, but it’s not found by looking outward. You’ll love and be loved… when you love yourself. Life is funny in this way. We have to fail in order to succeed. We have to chase the wrong goals to discover our true goals. We come to realize that the detours we took led us to the pathway of our truth.

You’ll transform into a woman you like and admire. You’ll wake up in the morning and value your reflection (sans perfect hair and makeup), caring less what he thinks about you and more how you feel about yourself. You’ll delight in the thrill of having another day to follow your dreams and pursue a life that has meaning to you.

You’ll care less if he’s attracted to you, and more that you’re able to be yourself with him. You’ll stop wondering if you’re hot enough for him in bed, and find yourself focusing on the connection the two of you create. And though you’ll want to please him, you’ll know he’s also there to please you. You won’t ponder the question of his love. You’ll know that you’re a woman who deserves to be loved. And in the brilliance of that understanding, you’ll be loved completely.

This singular awareness will set you free. It will come naturally. You’ll feel the power of your own life force exploding in the joyous knowledge that your only goal is to be yourself; however that may look and in whatever manner that expression occurs.

The greatest blessing of this discovery is that you’ll value your opinion of yourself over any man’s opinion of you. Rather than seeking to capture a man to love, you’ll love the life you have. And rather than squeezing yourself into the “box” that is his life, you’ll be able to share the life you’ve created with him.

You’ll discover you’re incapable of doing things you abhor to please any man, or anyone. Yet in the knowledge of what pleases you, you’ll be able to fully share the things you love with others.

In this natural adjustment, you’ll find your King. Not because you’re pandering to his delights, preferences or desires — but because you’re chasing the life you want. And when you know this… your King will appear to love every part of you, as you love yourself.