Are you thinking about writing a closure letter to your ex? Not sure how to craft the message? My feature with Brides shows you the best format to clear your mind (and shine in the process): #closureletter #ex #breakuprecovery
Journalist Stacey Laura Lloyd writes,
“Breaking up isn’t always easy, but there are plenty of strategies that can help you move on faster, like cutting off all contact with your former partner and taking the necessary time to work through your feelings. Another powerful tool? Writing a closure letter to your ex.
In an article published by the British Journal of General Practice, researchers found that therapeutic writing has positive effects on the immune system as well as the mind—but in order to reap the benefits, it’s important that you use the exercise to learn from your emotions instead of just reliving painful memories through the act of writing (and definitely don’t use it as an opportunity to just tell your ex off for everything they did wrong in the relationship).1
“Closure letters enable us to articulate the reasons for the breakup as well as express previously unstated feelings around the romantic experience,” says Susan Winter, an NYC-based relationship expert and bestselling author. “The ‘letter format’ is beneficial in that it forces the writer to label the issues at hand, condensing and clarifying any loose ends that would disallow closure.”
MEET THE EXPERT
Susan Winter is an internationally recognized relationship expert, writer, speaker, and coach based in New York City. She is the author of the international bestseller “Older Women/Younger Men,” “Allowing Magnificence,” and “Breakup Triage.”
Whether you decide to write your words on paper or type a heartfelt email, keep reading for key tips on writing a closure letter to your ex that will help you come to terms with your relationship ending and get over your former flame.
Don’t Wait
According to Winter, timing is everything. Specifically, closure letters should be sent within two weeks of the breakup or not at all. “If you choose to send a closure letter, do it as soon as possible after the breakup,” she says. “If weeks and months have passed since the breakup and you’re still obsessing over your ex, don’t send the letter.” Sending a closure letter after a huge chunk of time has passed will make you appear weak, needy, and insecure to your ex, says Winter, which is the opposite of how you want to come off. That said, if lots of time has passed, you can still write the letter—just don’t send it.
Stay Clear-Headed
When you sit down to write, it’s important that you’re in the right state of mind. For example, if you’re feeling emboldened after a few glasses of wine or hyper-emotional after a hard day at the office, this may not be the best time to approach a writing exercise pertaining to your love life. Instead, find a time when you feel level-headed, can think about your past relationship in a rational and objective way, and can truly focus your thoughts without any interruptions or distractions. If you write a scathing message to your ex and hit send without thinking, you’re going to regret it, and it will be even harder to find closure and move on.
Focus on Yourself
When writing a letter to your ex, the focus should be on yourself and how you feel. Rather than pointing out all their faults or blaming them for what went wrong in the relationship, it’s better to look internally. “The therapeutic benefits of writing a closure letter to your ex is mostly for you, the person who needs to create the closure,” says Winter. “Don’t prolong the agony of re-stating the obvious. Summarizing the experience with your own narrative allows you to speak your peace.” You can use this letter as a way to share some insight into your own actions and reactions and explain why you felt the way you did at certain points in your relationship.”
Continue reading: https://www.brides.com/closure-letter-to-ex-4153386
