Expressing what you want in the bedroom may feel uncomfortable at first. My interview with Glam shows you how to open the conversation with ease and establish comfort with your partner. #sexualcommunication #relationships #couplegoals

Amanda writes, “When it comes to asking your partner what you want in bed — especially if it borders on the kinky side — it can feel really intimidating. While you’re certainly not telling them that you don’t enjoy sex with them, you’re still telling them you’re looking to try something different or experiment in ways that might be more enjoyable.

Don’t make it all about you

Sure, you may be the one who’s initiating the conversation about what you want in bed, but don’t assume you’re the only one of the two of you who has desires that maybe aren’t being met. Your partner might be just as intimidated as you are to bring up things they want in bed, so they haven’t said anything. Because this could be the case, give your partner the space to share their thoughts too.

“Experience is the only way to know what we like or don’t like,” author and relationship expert Susan Winter tells Elite Daily. “Begin the conversation by focusing on your partner’s needs. As you listen, stay open and unruffled by whatever you hear. The moment your partner feels that you don’t judge them, you’ve just established the perfect platform for your honesty as well.” Because you certainly don’t want to be judged, definitely don’t judge your partner and what they might be curious to explore as well.

Start with positive feedback

One of the best techniques when it comes to telling your partner what you want to try in bed is by starting with a compliment, then suggesting the particular thing you want to explore, followed by another compliment. People like to feel reassured when it comes to their sexual performance, so to minimize any tension or insecurities on their end is to start with what they’re really amazing at — it’s the best approach when it comes to softening the blow when you suggest you might want spice things up a bit.

“Start with an affirmation and end with an ask (i.e., ‘You know what feels good? When you do _____. And you know what else would feel good?’),” sex and love coach Shelby Sells tells Popsugar. “Affirming pleasurable things your partner does in bed helps keep the attitude playful versus constant criticism. This framework helps people feel excited to try new things versus feeling defeated.” In fact, this framework works for most scenarios, even ones that aren’t related to sex.

If you can’t say the words, then write them down

Some of us just can’t get through a full sentence without stumbling over our words, pausing, and inundating it with “um” — a lot of us are like that, so you’re not alone. But if you happen to be one of those people, then writing down what you want to say about your sex life and what you’re curious about, can really help. You can take notes on what’s been piquing your interest, then compile those notes to share with your partner.

“Pay attention to what thoughts come up in your mind that turn you on, what your body responds to, and what you feel turned on by,” sex therapist Jesse Kahn tells Bustle. From there, you can actually turn it into a sexy game where you ask your partner to do the same, giving you both a chance to delve into new things you want to try out.

Continue Reading: