Children— having them or not, is a known deal breaker in these age varied relationships. It’s one of the most important discussions a couple must address when serious about merging their lives. In age varied relationships, when the woman enters her thirties, this decision becomes paramount. It’s not just societal pressure at work here. It’s her time clock. Knowing her time is limited, a woman wanting children must adjust her life accordingly. With only a certain amount of time available in which to safely reproduce, the decision to act swiftly becomes of the essence. The urgency a woman feels when her biological clock is ticking is agitated by the uncertain answer of her younger man. She is ready. Now. Even yesterday. But, if he is not, troubles erupt.
Here is the difference between men and women;
1. Men are ready when they have found the right woman, and are secure in their ability to provide for a family.
2. Women are ready, when they are ready.
A man’s sense of being ready, is one of financial/economic security. Historically, a man’s identity and worth, has been calculated by his job and status. In the case of committed involvement with a younger man, it is precisely because he loves you, that he can’t imagine giving you less than you deserve. Yet, to a woman who is a ready to have children, this doesn’t appear an adequate reason.
If this is your case, I suggest the following:
Understand that your emotions are not valid conversational currency to a man’s understanding. When women speak to men in terms of their “feelings,” all men hear, is confusion. To a man’s mind, emotions are not reasons. They sound like gibberish, not language. To speak “MAN,” speak the language of facts. Shift to the tangible financial possibilities of achieving a unified partnership, which includes children.
To do so, you must first gather and review all your personal income and know assets. Prepare a financial overview. Show him, on a sheet of paper, your exact income as of now and projected income in the next 5 to 10 years. Then, either show him his income (if you know it), or ask him to do the same. Approach this conversation with a business sensibility. If you can prove, in real stats, that children are indeed a financial possibility, you will relieve his apprehension.
Again, this is not an emotional discussion. Leave your female side out of this part of the situation. He’s a man. He needs concrete facts and figures to justify the possibility of marriage and children. Approach this conversation as though you were presenting a business proposal… calm, confident and complete with data to substantiate your point. If you can prove to yourself, and him, that children are indeed a financial reality, you will see a turn of events. By simply understanding how to speak to the male mind, your conversations will flow much more easily. Communication will be clear, and negotiation possible.
Yes, men do think differently. That’s the beauty of the male creature. When we, as women, become overloaded with emotional input, they have the clarity and presence of mind to see the big picture.