By Laura Simmons
What is micro-cheating? And how do you know if you (or your partner) are doing it? My feature in IFL Science identifies the many ways in which this type of cheating can occur. #microcheating #feature #couples #relationshipadvice
Laura writes, “When does seemingly harmless behavior cross the line and become cheating? People in relationships will have different ideas of where the boundary lies, but the more obvious types of cheating are usually pretty easy to spot – sleeping with someone else, unless previously agreed with your partner, is going to be difficult to explain away! But what about more subtle things that dance around that invisible line? Could you have been accidentally micro-cheating?
What is micro-cheating?
Speaking to HuffPost Australia in 2017, dating expert Melanie Schilling defined micro-cheating as “a series of seemingly small actions that indicate a person is emotionally or physically focused on someone outside their relationship.”
It could be idly browsing dating apps; flirtatious messages sent to a co-worker; even leaving suggestive emojis under someone else’s Instagram posts. The big red flag comes when you feel the need to downplay these interactions to your partner.
How do you know if you’re micro-cheating?
If you’re concerned that literally any interaction with another member of the human race could count as micro-cheating under this definition, then you’re not alone. As you frantically replay in your mind all the messages you sent in the last week, the thing to focus on, as relationship expert Susan Winter told The Independent, is the intentionbehind them.
“Although micro-cheating may not be physical cheating, it’s certainly testing the borders of emotional cheating. Flirting is flirting. And flirting is the act of fanning a spark that can easily spread to a flame.”
This can apply to non-monogamous relationships too – any type of emotional interaction that you’re keeping secret from other participants in the relationship could be considered micro-cheating.
What if your partner is micro-cheating?
If your partner is behaving in any way that makes you uncomfortable, it’s best to confront this head-on, suggests Winter. Try to approach the conversation in a diplomatic way. Explain what you’ve seen – give examples if you can – and why it’s bothering you. Be specific about exactly what behaviors you think count as micro-cheating.
Winter had some suggestions for conversational gambits that could help. You could address the underlying intentions directly: “Is there something I need to know about your feelings for this person?” Or, try and evoke your partner’s empathy by asking, “How would you feel if I did something like this?””
Continue Reading: https://www.iflscience.com/what-is-micro-cheating-and-how-do-you-know-if-youre-doing-it-68191
