BY BRIE SCHMIDT

What to do when your sibling and partner can’t seem to get along? My interview with Glam offers tips on a diplomatic stance that satisfies all parties concerned.

Brie writes, “Your siblings are the built-in friends you’ve had since birth. Your partner is your chosen rock and confidant who you can’t picture life without. Both mean a lot to you, but that doesn’t mean they’re destined to get along. Sometimes, our siblings and significant others can’t seem to see eye to eye, trapping us in the middle of the tension. As Fern Schumer Chapman, an expert on sibling estrangement and author of the book “Brothers, Sisters, Strangers: Sibling Estrangement and the Road to Reconciliation,” wrote on Psychology Today, there are multiple explanations for this animosity. For instance, jealousy, power struggles, and even a fear of change can be the reason a sibling and romantic partner clash.

Sometimes, loved ones may reject someone we care about simply because it’s not who they pictured us with. One 2016 study published in Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences found that women tended to prioritize different traits in their sisters’ romantic partners than in their own partners. “For their own partners, women focus on an attractive appearance that suggests good health and an ability to pass on their genes. At the same time, they prioritize qualities in their sister’s partner that can provide direct benefits for the whole family,” the researchers noted via ScienceDaily.

So what can you do if your sibling and partner constantly butt heads? You don’t have to break up with your S.O., nor must you cut off your family member. However, you might have to change how you approach each relationship.

Hear them out

It might seem like the best thing to do is to ignore your sibling or partner’s complaints about the other, but it might be a good idea to listen to their perspective if you haven’t already. Sometimes, siblings can pick up on a partner’s red flags, and a significant other can detect a dysfunctional family pattern. “Give your family the gift of listening to their complaints, once,” Susan Winter, a relationship expert, love coach, and author of “Breakup Triage: The Cure for Heartache,” told Elite Daily. “Allow them to cover each issue without defense. When they’re done, thank them for caring. Tell them you’ve heard their concerns. This diffuses their resistance. Knowing they’ve voiced their warnings, and you’ve listened, helps to eliminate their underlying anxiety.”

Know that it’s okay if they don’t get along

If you’re feeling stressed managing the rift between your sibling and your partner, here’s a gentle reminder: It’s not your job to make them like each other. In fact, it’s totally fine if they don’t get along. As Sally Baker told Metro, “Family members are not obliged to like your partner, and your partner isn’t obliged to like your family either.” All that matters is that you like your siblings and partner and that respect is still woven into each relationship.

Susan Winter echoes this, telling Elite Daily, “Having your family support your relationship is important, but not essential.” The relationship expert added, “It certainly helps when they accept your mate, but as an adult, you’ve got greater freedom to live the life you see fit — with whom you see fit — in the way you see fit.”

Continue Reading: https://www.glam.com/1389836/what-to-do-sibling-partner-can-not-get-along/