Do you know what you’re getting wrong in relationships? My interview with Psychology Today examines a series of long-held myths we hold about love and relationships. #relationshipadvice #love #psychologytoday #datingadvice
Gary writes “What if everything you think you know about relationships is wrong? Ok, maybe not everything, but relationships are complicated and your training is limited. Just think, how did you learn about relationships? Perhaps you picked up some tips from your parents, watching TV, chatting with friends, or good old-fashioned trial and error. Unfortunately, these sources can’t guarantee true expertise about having a healthy relationship. The result? It’s impossible to know if you’re relying on well-established fact, or well-intentioned fiction.
To set the record straight, I reached out to an all-star group of top relationship experts to get their insights. Specifically, I asked them what couples most commonly get wrong. In other words, the myths, mistakes, and blind spots that unknowingly undermine relationships. Plus, they gave some tips for how to get it right.
The Experts
Dr. Helen Fisher: Biological Anthropologist, Senior Research Fellow The Kinsey Institute, and Chief Science Advisor to Match.com; Author of Anatomy of Love.
Men are Misunderstood—The pandemic produced an historic change in courtship—toward post-traumatic growth. Prior to Covid, 58 perent of singles wanted to settle down; today 76 percent want a committed relationship. And, men are leading the way. People misunderstand men. In my Match.com studies on over 55,000 single Americans (not Match members), men fall in love faster and more often; they want to move in together faster, and they are more likely to believe that a ‘hook up’ can lead to love. Today, men are far more likely to want a committed relationship within the next year. Commitment is the new sexy.
Dr. Gary Lewandowski: Author of Stronger Than You Think: The 10 Blind Spots That Undermine Your Relationship…and How to See Past Them
What is Love?—It’s easy to fall in love because of intense physical attractionand passion. But, making that deep passion the foundation of your relationship can be problematic because it quickly fades. For a stronger relationship, focus more on companionate love, or the ways in which your partner is your best friend, such as shared interests, the time you enjoy spending together, and mutual respect. Those are the true key to lasting love.
KEY POINTS
- Love is important but too many couples focus on the passion and forget the friendship. Passion fades and there are many ways to feel love.
- Believing in soulmates is a myth that leads to a lot of unrealistic expectations about what your partner “should” do and who they “should” be.
- Love is tough. You won’t always be happy and problems don’t magically disappear.
- Successful relationships start with knowing yourself and knowing what you want.
Continue reading: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-psychology-relationships/202202/what-you-re-getting-wrong-in-relationships
