Honesty is always the best policy – apart from when it isn’t, a leading relationship expert says.
Infidelity isn’t worth telling your partner about in certain cases, says New York-based coach Susan Winter.
This is because it’s more “cruel” to tell your partner about an affair in some cases rather than to keep it to yourself, she claims.
Far from being a further slight against your partner, she claims it is out of consideration for the other party – saving them from the “burden” of knowing you’ve created.
“The truth is that relieving one’s guilt comes at the direct expense of their mate,” Winter explains in an interview with The Independent.
“While honesty is indeed the hallmark of true intimacy, there are times when unburdening yourself results in cruel and unnecessary information that then burdens your mate.”
The litmus test for Winter? If you can’t remember what you did – think a drunken mistake – it might not be worth telling your partner about your unfaithful behavior.
“If so, think twice before revealing an interlude you can barely remember the next day,” she said.
“This confession can only create harm, not good. Commit to moderation and learn your limits of indulgence.”
So when should you confess to infidelity? If it’s a full-blown affair – rather than just a regretful one-night stand – that’s when you should think about confessing, she said.
“This was a choice made repeatedly that diverted your love and sexual expression away from your partner.
Such behavior points to “a problem [that] exists within the relationship, or within yourself.”
Are you having infidelity problems in your relationship and need help? Reach out to Susan for a consultation today!