By Susie & Otto Collins

You’re not getting enough attention in your relationship. But you’re uncomfortable asking for it. How do you change this (without looking needy)? My video interview with YourTango explains how.

Susie and Otto write, “When you aren’t getting enough attention in your relationship, it can seem like everything and everyone else is far more interesting and important to your partner than you are.

Your partner might have a demanding job, hefty responsibilities and other obligations competing for their attention. This can leave you feeling last on their priority list.

Understandably, this could also lead you to act overly needy, while the question remains: how do you tell them that you need more attention without seeming like “too much”?

When you’re needy, you call or text your partner frequently, especially if you don’t get an instant reply. You are hyper-aware of any mood changes in your partner and take it personally if he or she is grumpy and irritable. You might often ask questions like, “Is everything okay?” and “Do you love me?”

Then, your partner shuts down or ignores you even more than before. You wind up feeling more alone and unimportant.

Recognize it when you’re feeling and acting overly needy in your relationship, and stop the needy spiral that only takes you further and further away from the kind of relationship you desire.

Why a lack of attention is problematic in relationships

Any imbalance in a relationship is bound to cause issues.

A lack of attention tends to signal to the other that they’re being taken for granted, are no longer worthy of being made to feel loved and special, and that what they contribute to the relationship doesn’t just go unacknowledged, but ignored altogether.

When one partner doesn’t feel seen or cared for, this can cause even the most secure individuals to have doubts about the well-being of their relationship. They may start devoting more energy and affection to caring for their significant other, contributing to the existing lack of balance and tipping the scales even more.”

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