Words by Precious Njoki/Cover by Katie Janes
How can you date (smartly) and avoid the ‘situationship’ trap? My profile feature with Voir Fashion Magazine from the UK shows you how to secure a relationship, instead.
Covid-19 has introduced an interesting dynamic to love and relationships. The lockdown effect of the virus in several regions has led to many people redefining their search for love and relationship. Gone Is the time of fuckboys and situationships (although no one had time for that) and say hello to the quarantine boyfriend and socially distanced relationships. Voir fashion speaks to Susan Winter, the Relationship expert on love and relationships during the time of Covid-19.
Susan Winter is a best-selling author and renowned relationship, expert. She has gained world recognition from her best-selling book Older Women/Younger Men. She has also appeared on The Oprah Show, The Today Show and even the BBC News. Susan writes, speaks and coaches on cutting-edge partnership models as well as traditional relationship challenges from a place of self-esteem and personal empowerment. She has been published in Harper’s Bazaar, People Magazine, Cosmopolitan and The New York Times. Her understanding of human behaviour has helped her connect to the heartbeat of people and their relationships.
When speaking to Susan, we were excited to finally find answers to all our questions on love and relationships, especially during this time. First thing first, we had to find out if it is all doomed. Considering everything else happening in the world, for many love has taken a back seat compared to all their other challenges due to the lockdown. If it is not all doomed, how stable can the relationship be, if it is formed during such a stressful time?
“Being open to love can soothe even the most stressful of times. But if you find yourself too stressed to focus on what you need in a relationship; you could be making poor romantic choices due to desperation or loneliness,” says Susan. She advises checking your mental state before you embark on your search as more than ever, people are online and looking to connect with other human beings for a sense of belonging, community, and romance. On the worry of the stability of your newfound romance, Susan revisits her statement on the intentions behind getting into a relationship as relationships formed based on desperation, need, or loneliness probably won’t survive when lockdown ends.
In the process of combing through the many to find the one, Susan cautions on the need to know yourself as you will need to identify what kind of bait trips the wire to make us spin into a fantasy. Everyone is susceptible to beauty and charisma; we’re also susceptible to praise and adulation. That’s why players are so effective in their game of love bombing. If you find yourself, frustrated Susan says you have probably let your eyes do the choosing, and your wishful thinking creates the storyline. This then leads to manipulation, insecurity, and illogical behaviour, sounds familiar?
Continue reading more about Susan’s perspective on Voir Fashion.
