BY BERNADETTE ROE

How significant is a 10-year age gap? My interview with Women shares the facts (and myths) surrounding this relationship dynamic. 

Age gaps in relationships are fairly common, yet they still carry a degree of social taboo—especially when the difference is significant. A 2022 BBC report found that 8% of heterosexual couples had an age gap of ten years or more, with even higher rates among same-sex couples. High-profile celebrity pairings have fueled growing curiosity around these relationships, and research suggests that the ideal age difference for long-term success is just three years.

The fascination with age-gap relationships partly stems from the challenges they can present. Differences in life stage, finances, and future goals—like starting a family—can create tension, along with potential imbalances in power and intimacy. These concerns aren’t limited to everyday couples; public figures have also brought the spotlight to the complexities of age-gap dynamics, pushing the conversation into mainstream awareness. Women.com spoke with an expert to explore how such differences can even affect a couple’s sex life.

Journalist Bernadette Roe writes, “All this being said, sometimes you find someone special, and all the theoretical talk about different ages go out the window. So if you’ve found yourself in love with someone who’s a decade older or younger than you, listen up. Women.com spoke with relationship expert Susan Winter, author of “Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance”

Bigger age gaps come with an incompatibility risk

There’s no denying that there’s the possibility of compatibility issues in relationships with bigger age gaps, say around ten years. However, Susan Winter told Women.com that it’s less likely to have a negative impact when both people are already well into their adult years. In other words, if one person is 53 and the other 63, they’re more likely to be on the same page.” However, broad age gap relationships can have noticeable differences when one partner is in their early 20’s and the other in their 40’s,” she told us. So when the younger person is, legitimately, very young, an age discrepancy can cause friction.

The greatest risk arises when the older partner feels the need to instruct or guide the younger partner. Winter told Women.com that this is where things can get rocky. “While certainly the senior partner has had more life experience, this impulse can feel like control or manipulation to the younger partner,” she explained. The way to mitigate this, should the couple genuinely want to stay together, is to allow the younger partner to make mistakes. The older person needs to relinquish the desire to act as a mentor or teacher. If the older partner can’t do this, then there could be serious problems, because the younger person runs the risk of feeling controlled or manipulated. The key is to support each other, but also live and let live.

However, a 10 year age gap can work if both parties prioritize communication

When it comes to couples with an age gap, we traditionally think that the older person holds more power. They’ve had more time to grow, accumulate wisdom, thrive in their careers, and become more established. However, Susan Winter pointed out that this isn’t necessarily the case. “The younger partner may hold the power due to their youth and beauty,” she explained. “So the power distribution in age gap relationships is not always cut and dried.”

And age gap relationships can not only work, but thrive! Winter told Women.com that the key is cherishing what the other partner brings to the relationship, because they might be very different things. Embrace and respect the differences, and build something beautiful from those unique perspectives. “The most crucial factor for age gap relationships to work is to have very clear communication around lifestyle goals and relationship goals,” Winter said. Winter added that it was especially important to talk openly about family planning goals, but with clear, honest communication, the relationship has every reason to be solid.

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