Beyond the Stereotypes: How to navigate age-gap love successfully | Glamour Interview

By Susan Winter

By SELF staff writers via Glamour*

How does one successfully navigate an age gap relationship? I share with Glamour my lived experience— knowing both the benefits, as well as social recrimination. #agegaplove #olderwomenyoungermen

Age-gap relationships often get reduced to clichés and punchlines—think Leonardo DiCaprio’s dating history or labels like “cougar” and “boytoy.” But what’s rarely spotlighted are the real partnerships that thrive despite the stereotypes.

That narrative is starting to change. In 2024, dubbed the “Year of the Cougar-Com,” films like Babygirl, The Idea of You, and Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy offered more nuanced portrayals. Now, The White Lotus season three adds to that shift with the seemingly healthy relationship between Chelsea and her older partner, Rick.

Skepticism around age-gap relationships isn’t unfounded. Even between consenting adults, they can involve tricky issues like power dynamics, sexism, and life-stage mismatches—think elder care, differing maturity, or generational gaps.

Still, these relationships can work. So, we turned to experts—including those in successful age-gap partnerships—to share what makes them thrive and where they often go wrong.

1. Find shared interests that transcend generations.

The SELF journalist writes, “Reaching common ground can feel extra tricky when you’re in completely different life stages, at different points in your careers, or, well, simply existing in different generations. But these hurdles don’t have to be automatic dealbreakers, Susan Winter, author of Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance, tells SELF—especially when you’ve got shared interests that bring you closer. Maybe a passion for traveling abroad gets you talking for hours and planning your next adventure. Or you’re both die-hard rock music fans, turning concerts and festivals into a sweet monthly tradition.

Having a few hobbies and interests in common can make it easier to bridge the divide that an age gap may create. And according to Winter, focusing on similarities, rather than only on differences, can help your relationship grow.

2. Show the haters that you’re a united front.

Age-gap relationships can feel like they’re set up to fail from the jump—in part, thanks to raised eyebrows, snarky jokes, and assumptions coming from the people closest to you.

That’s why it’s a must to have each other’s backs and shut down the outside noise together, all three experts say. From her personal experience, Winter says it can be a good idea to set clear boundaries with shady family members or “friends” by using “we” language. (“I know you’re concerned, but our relationship is going great and we’d appreciate it if you would be happy for us too.”) It also helps to stay grounded in the reality of your Romance by focusing on the positives that others may not witness. (Sure, your mother-in-law assumes it’s just a fling, but she isn’t there to see how you always have each other’s backs during tough times.)

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*This article originally appeared in SELF magazine and was reprinted in Glamour.