By Madeleine Aggeler

Back With the Ex is an Australian reality TV show about four former couples who have been split up for years, and have three weeks to decide whether they want to give their relationship a second chance. It premiered on Netflix in January, and watching it feels like snorting a highly-concentrated line of every breakup you have ever coached a friend though — you dearly love these beautiful dummies and want to piece together the fragments of their fragile, shattered hearts with your own two hands, but also you hate them and wish that they would, for love of God and you, meet someone new and move the fuck on. It is the perfect show and I love it.

I will not give you any spoilers, because I am not a monster. But before you start reflecting on whether Cam will ever be able to trust Kate, or whether Erik will ever be able to be less Erik, let’s consider the basic premise of the show: Should you get back together with your ex?

According to New York City relationship expert Susan Winter, the prospect is increasingly popular.

“In the past, exes were exes for a reason,” Winter told the Cut. But now, “relationships are on the fly, and nobody knows what’s going on … I have never in my life seen this obsession with getting an ex back.”

As Winter explains, the confusion and ambiguity of online dating can be daunting and have led many people running back to relationships they know once worked.

“With exes, we’ve had success. There is a known win,” she explained, adding that there is so much loss in dating, that it makes sense that after a while you would want to go back to something that felt like a win at some point.

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