Wondering how to handle being asked about your ‘body count?’ My interview with Women offers tips and speaking points: #bodycount
Emily writes, “No matter how you identify sexually, chances are the body count topic has come up at least once in the dating game. Your body count refers to how many people you’ve had sex with, and, although it’s no one’s business but your own, it can sometimes be made into a far bigger deal than it is. Unfortunately, those who identify as women are particularly at risk of being shamed for their number, all too often by cisgender men. “The hypocrisy around a woman having sex is historical, and sadly, still current,” Susan Winter, relationship expert and bestselling author of “Breakup Triage; The Cure for Heartache,” tells Women. “Men are lauded for their body count and their reputation is elevated amongst their peers. Women are condemned and oftentimes categorized as loose, permissive, and cheap. And most certainly, not ‘girlfriend material,'” she added. “‘Body count’ is a trophy for men, but a devaluation for women.”
Remember you don’t have to tell anyone
One of the most important things to remember if someone asks your body count number is that you don’t have to tell them. How many people you’ve been intimate with is personal and isn’t information that your partner, casual date, friends, family, or anyone else for that matter, has the right to know. “It’s a disrespectful question to begin with, so why should it even matter? Turn it around and ask them to disclose their net worth (along with their last tax return),” Winter suggests.
Explain why body count isn’t important
“A person’s body count may reflect their comfort in being sexual. It may also indicate that they’ve been actively dating and in search of the right type of partner. Oftentimes, the hunt for the right partner can unintentionally elevate a woman’s body count,” Winter explains. A person’s past also doesn’t always reflect their intentions for the future.
Have an open discussion about why they want to know your number
Winter explains there are a few questions to ask someone who seems intent on learning body count. “Ask them why,” she says. “What does it signify to them? What do they believe it implies? Is this an authentic belief, or is it something shaped by social conditioning?” Though these questions may not feel comfortable, they will allow you to better understand your partner and any insecurities they may have. “There is an off-chance that your partner is concerned that you’ve had more sex and better sex than they have. Perhaps they think they won’t please you. So before you jump to conclusions and attack them, really try to hear what they’re saying,” Winter shares, noting it’s best to come from a neutral place so they feel they can be open, not judged.
Continue Reading: https://www.women.com/1714641/perfect-responses-men-criticize-sexual-body-count/
