Why do age-gap relationships get such a bad rap? My interview with Self Magazine reveals 5 reasons why this dynamic works, as seen in Babygirl, The Idea Of You and The White Lotus. #agegaplove #babygirl #thewhitelotus #theideaofyou
Age-gap relationships are often met with skepticism, fueled by stereotypes and pop culture jokes—think Bill Belichick and his 24-year-old girlfriend, Leonardo DiCaprio’s meme-worthy dating history, and terms like “cougar” and “cradle robber.” Yet, thriving partnerships that defy these clichés often go overlooked.
That narrative began shifting in 2024, dubbed the Year of the Cougar-Com, thanks to films like Babygirl, The Idea of You, Family Affair, and Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy, which portrayed such relationships in a more positive light. Now, The White Lotus season three adds to the trend with Chelsea and her older partner, Rick.
Still, concerns about power dynamics, sexism, and generational gaps persist—even in healthy relationships. Unique challenges, from elder care to differing maturity levels and parenting logistics, also set these couples apart from same-age pairs.
Journalist Jenna Ryu writes, “So we asked experts—some with their own success stories—to break down the key factors that can make these dynamics thrive and mistakes that give them a bad rap.
1. Find shared interests that transcend generations.
Staying out till sunrise in a sweaty, crowded nightclub may not be their idea of a good time, just like sitting through a three-hour opera on a Friday night may not be yours either.
Reaching common ground can feel extra tricky when you’re in completely different life stages, at different points in your careers, or, well, simply existing in different generations. But these hurdles don’t have to be automatic dealbreakers, Susan Winter, author of Older Women, Younger Men: New Options for Love and Romance, tells SELF—especially when you’ve got shared interests that bring you closer. Maybe a passion for traveling abroad gets you talking for hours and planning your next adventure. Or you’re both die-hard rock music fans, turning concerts and festivals into a sweet monthly tradition.
Having a few hobbies and interests in common can make it easier to bridge the divide that an age gap may create. And according to Winter, focusing on similarities, rather than only on differences, can help your relationship grow.
2. Show the haters that you’re a united front.
Age-gap relationships can feel like they’re set up to fail from the jump—in part, thanks to raised eyebrows, snarky jokes, and assumptions coming from the people closest to you.
That’s why it’s a must to have each other’s backs and shut down the outside noise together, all three experts say. From her personal experience, Winter says it can be a good idea to set clear boundarieswith shady family members or “friends” by using “we” language. (“I know you’re concerned, but our relationship is going great and we’d appreciate it if you would be happy for us too.”) It also helps to stay grounded in the reality of your romance by focusing on the positives that others may not witness. (Sure, your mother-in-law assumes it’s just a fling, but she isn’t there to see how you always have each other’s backs during tough times.)
Ultimately, a successful age-gap relationship is about reassuring each other—not the critics on the outside—that you’re in it for the right reasons. Because every romance has its differences, and a generational divide doesn’t have to be the one that defines (or kills) yours.
