Dating Over 50 | NPR ‘All Things Considered’ radio interview

MICHEL MARTIN, HOST:

If you are 50 or older and single again after a divorce or the end of a long relationship, you might be thinking about dating and feeling anxious. But it’s OK. NPR’s Life Kit has some tips for how to ease your reentry into the dating scene. Here’s Tanya Ballard Brown.

TANYA BALLARD BROWN, BYLINE: After I divorced, the thought of dating again scared me. It turns out my reaction isn’t all that unusual. Relationship expert Susan Winter says fear is part of the process.

SUSAN WINTER: You’re not good at something you haven’t practiced in ages.

BROWN: And you also need to do some self-reflection.

WINTER: You probably don’t want what you wanted 10 years ago, 15, 20 years ago. If you’re leaving a long-term marriage, you may want a committed relationship but maybe want it designed in an entirely different way of doing it.

BROWN: And if you’re wondering how, when or even if you should explain why you’re back on the market, Winter, the relationship expert, says, first, shake off any shame you might feel about being divorced. But how do you talk about a failed marriage?

WINTER: Oh, I hate that word – that it worked until it didn’t work. There is no such thing as a failed marriage. You changed, and you grew. But it worked until it didn’t work. It’s so unfair that we’re not given credit for all the years that we did.

BROWN: Winter says, save this conversation until you are several dates in. But have an idea of how you want to answer it.

WINTER: It’s really wise to have a prepared and curated comment that defines, to the best of your ability, what actually happened. But it has to be real. Do it in advance. Don’t think you can wing it. Really think about it.

BROWN: If the dating process gets overwhelming, take the pressure off of yourself and relax.

WINTER: Listen here, three little words – the possibility exists.

BROWN: Indeed, it does. For NPR News, I’m Tanya Ballard Brown.