What are the first date questions to ask when you’re over 50? My feature in Women highlights five key qualifiers to help determine if someone is the right match. #datingover50 #firstdates
How does one ‘date’ over 50? How similar or different is it to dates than may have remembered a decade or two earlier? And how daunting must it be to step out into the dating world after a 30 year marriage is dissolved. Certainly there has to be some guidance and protocol that can keep mature daters safe, informed, and clear on their romantic goals.
Dating as a mature person can feel overwhelming, but it becomes easier when you ask the right questions early on to gauge compatibility. If Gerry Turner and Theresa Nist’s breakup from The Golden Bachelor taught us anything, it’s that getting engaged without addressing key lifestyle differences—like where to live—can lead to challenges down the road.
Journalist Emily Hutchinson writes, “It’s no secret that as you get older, dating seems to gets harder. And putting yourself out there over 50 can feel like an particularly daunting task. “Mature individuals have an established design. They already have a home, family, and friendships that add to their wellbeing,” Susan Winter, bestselling author and relationship expert, exclusively told us. “Mature daters have their own emotional baggage and relationship expectations to contend with when they meet someone new,” she added, noting many singles in their 50s and beyond are less open to compromising for romance (and that’s not necessarily a bad thing).
Are you currently seeing someone or in the process of ending a relationship?
“Prequalify that your partner is free and clear of any entanglements. This means less drama for you to contend with,” Susan Winter said.
Of course, there are situations where someone yet to finalize their divorce is over their ex and in a healthy place to date again. But it’s important to make that distinction before you become too involved by politely enquiring about their past relationship. “[Ask] ‘If it could have worked out, would you have wanted it to work out?’ Perhaps the divorce wasn’t their idea and they still holding a torch for their former spouse. You don’t want that,” Winter said.
What is your idea of a great partnership and how would that look in the real world?
“This reveals their expectations for you. What if they say a great mate is one who enjoys cooking and staying at home, but you’re a driven professional that seeks relaxed companionship at the end of the day?” Susan Winter asked. It’s easy to get swept up in the idea of someone over the practicality of your romance, but this question will help you avoid that.
“Do they want to go hiking with you on the weekends or play golf with their buddies? Do they like to travel? Do they have a growth mindset? You want to get an idea of what you’re walking into,” Winter said. Though it’s okay not to love all of your partners hobbies, it’s important to have a few things in common.
Would you be willing to relocate for a relationship?
Asking your date if they’d be willing to relocate is particularly important if you wouldn’t consider moving. If you have strong roots (such as family, friends, or business ties) and wouldn’t leave your local area under any circumstance, finding out early on if they feel the same will avoid heartache down the line. “People in their 50s know what they like, what they don’t like, and what they won’t tolerate. There’s less willingness to bend, amend, or give up something they want just for the promise of love,” Susan Winter told us. “They’re less inclined to take risks that involve relocating to a new city or making a dramatic lifestyle change,” she added.
Are you open to falling in love and/or a committed relationship?
“Wanting love and really being open to it are two different things … This might seem unnecessary or intrusive, but it’s a very important question,” Susan Winter told us. “Your best shot at meaningful partnership is to find the person who’s ‘locked and loaded’ — ready, willing, and able to be in a committed relationship,” she added.
Knowing in no uncertain terms where your date stands will make deciding to see them again, or not, a lot easier. “Every date is ‘dating for data.’ You are looking for information about what you like, what you want, and what feels good and comfortable for you,” Winter explained.
Want to read the last tip to secure a healthy partnership and get more information? Read More:
