Thinking of getting back with your ex? My interview with People shares when that’s a good idea, and when it’s not.
When is it Worth it to Get Back Together?
Susan Winter and Dr. Jacquie Del Rosario, who both work as relationship coaches, tell PEOPLE that there are reasons why a second try at a relationship could work. People grow and mature; it may be worth re-examining the relationship when that happens.
“Reconsidering the relationship is valid when positive changes have occurred for both partners. Examples of this would be an addiction that has been addressed, poor communication patterns that have been corrected or therapy that has resulted in a healthy transformation,” Winter says.
She also notes that a breakup done “in haste” should be eligible for “reconsideration,” as should a split when “one or both partners have reached a clearer understanding of themselves and can now separate the need to blame their partner for what is their personal responsibility.”
When Should You Stay Broken Up?
However, just as there are reasons couples can get back together, there are situations in which no relationship should ever be reignited.
“Financial, sexual, emotional infidelity cannot create a basis for a healthy relationship to survive. If your partner has repeatedly let you down, promised to do better, and you end up in the same place, you know it’s time to leave,” explains Winter.
“It’s a bad idea to get back together when you’re caught in a negative loop. When the patterns within a relationship remain the same and you’re on automatic pilot, repeating the same damage over and over again, it’s time to end the relationship for good,” she adds.
No Growth, No Getting Back Together
“Couples need to attend to the issues that separated them in the first place,” Winter says. “If these issues are not addressed, corrected and transformed, then there’s no hope of surviving a second time around.”
“Learning to effectively handle disagreements and enter negotiation, listening, and supporting each other is essential for a relationship’s survival,” she adds.
Want get the full scoop about whether or not you should get back together with your ex? Read the full story, When Is It a Good Idea to Get Back Together with an Ex — and When Is It Not, According to Relationship Experts, on People.com.
